Product: Pepsi Blue
Ingredients: Pepsi, a mixture of fresh berries fused together by the righteous power of intergalactic hyper-metabolites that produces an out of this world, out-of-crotch experience.
Release Date: Currently available in liter size volumes through selected fine retailers. (FYI: Preorder Pepsi Blue Cube now to avoid disappointment, available Christmas 2002)
Target Audience: Small boys grades 1-3, video gamers; single bi-curious male, age 46, seeking alternative pleasure from other SWMs; 6’2″, 220lbs, hairless mammal, never married, with ranch & horses.
Rating: 6 out of 10 boners* Milder then a Circle K suicide, more hue then Crystal Clear Pepsi, but not enough of the Tahitian Treat charm to pull it off.
Dan The Dungeon Dweller’s top-secret tip – shhhh, it’s a secret!
1.Mix Berry Kool-Aid powder, sugar and sparkling water in pitcher. Optional: whisk in coffee and OxiClean for caffeine and “flavoring.”
2. Serve in old Pepsi Blue Bottles to your friends.
3. Makes a cheap alternative to Pepsi Blue
4. Bask in the glory of your peers’ endless praise.
*The more boners the better, who wants a softie? The Boner Scale is exclusively copyrighted to The Cabin and its amenities, no biting, literally.
D. Ruth can be reached (only by e-mail) at firstname.lastname@example.org.